Gringotts Bank Business Opportunity – Harry Potter Spoof Email

In a lighter vein, here’s one I knocked up myself – guess what I’m reading at the moment!

Though seems unsolicited, this owlmail is a business proposal to you. I appreciate the fact that you have every reason to be suspension, please note this proposal is very real. I will employ you to read it with open mind and act in the best way as directed by your mind and instinct.

My name is Amelia Bundweazel, Chief Operating Goblin (Magical Transactions) of Gringotts Bank (Durmstrang). It is understandable that you might be a little bit apprehensive because you do not know me but I have a lucrative business proposal of mutual benefits to share with you.

In June, 2001, a late client of the bank, a Wealthy Wizard from the Ministry of Magic whom we presumed (rightly or wrongly) to be a relative of yours made a numbered fixed deposit of Twenty-one million Five Hundred Thousand Gold Galleons (GG 21,500,000.00) We later found out that he and his family had been killed in an unfortunate accident involving a mid-air collision between a Magical Defense Forces High Speed Dragon and their flying muggle car (A Reliant Robin).

(See for details).

After further investigation it was also discovered that he did not declare any next of kin and no one except me knows of his deposit in our bank and the secret password (‘Hamza Scamza’). So, the gold is still laying unclaimed deep in our vaults. What bothers me most is that according to the laws of my bank, at the expiration of seven {7} years the gold will turn to ashes and the vault will disappear if nobody applies to claim the funds.

Against this backdrop, my suggestion to you is that I will like you to stand as the next of kin so that you will be able to receive the funds.

I want you to know that I have had everything planned out so that we shall come out successful. I have a memory modification spell prepared that will show that you are his next of kin (AT NO COST OF YOURS), all that is required from you is to provide me with your Full Names and Address so that I can complete the spell. After you have been made the next of kin, I will help move the contents of the vault to your own, or made accessible to you with a Wizard Unionâ„¢ (Secure Floo Network) MTM spell.

There is no risk involved at all in this transaction, As a bank goblin, I am forbidden to reveal the banks secrets so I am taking a great risk in discussing this with you. I am the only one who knows of this situation, good fortune has blessed you with a name that has planted you into the center of relevance in my life. Please endeavor to observe utmost discretion in all matters concerning this issue. Once the funds have been transferred to your vault, we shall share in the ratio of 50% for me, 40% for you and 20% for bribes to Dragons (but this can be subjected to further negotiations). I send you this mail not without a measure of fear as to the consequences, but I know within me that nothing ventured is nothing gained and that success and riches never come easy or on a platter of gold. Please observe this instruction religiously.

Should you be interested please send me your,

1, Full Names,

2, Current Contact Address,

3, Bank Vault Personal Identification Spell (PIS)

And I will prefer you reach me on my private email address: Graham.crabbe@yahoo.wiz and finally after that I shall furnish you with more information’s about this operation. Your earliest response to this letter will be appreciated.

Kind Regards,

Amelia Bundweazel,



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On a related note, Warner Bros have the following warning at the top of their massively successful-but-oddly-named “Harry Potter Dialogue Centre“.

There have recently been a number of emails circulating claiming to be casting for upcoming Harry Potter films. Many of these emails request personal information and some have the subject line of “WARNERBROS CASTSEARCH” or something to that effect. This is to advise that Warner Bros. Entertainment Inc. does not engage in casting activity through email. These emails are fraudulent and you should not respond to any such email. Feel free to forward any such messages to and we will do our best to investigate the fraudulent activity.

It’s a nice place, the gorgeous design and graphics you’d expect from a movie studio, but the website nazis have been in and issue the usual anti-fan type warnings about posting links to your own websites. I hate this arrogant stance – they abuse and allienate their biggest fans (and customers!) with their intolerant and snarky ‘Intellectual Copyright Protection’ crud.  I once got the most miserable letter from a lawyer when I posted a photo of ‘Miffy’ on a website. I pointed out that this character was my daughter’s favourite, but that thenceforth and notwithstanding, I would be unwilling to buy any more of their ‘Miffy’ themed products.

We have been seeing a lot of members advertising their own websites on the boards. This is not allowed as per our Community Guidelines and the Terms of Usage of the Harry Potter Message Boards. The only place you are allowed to post links to other Harry Potter related sites is on the Web Masters board. If you have a link to your site in your profile you also need to remove the link.

…. if you call yourself any name of any character in the Harry Potter series or allude to any character in the Harry Potter franchise or even mention the name ‘Harry’ and/or ‘Potter’, you will be banned for life and a WB representative will turn up at your house and publicly burn all and any books, posters, videos, video games, Lego, action figures, bedside lamps, keyrings, cellphone covers, candy and/or sleepware (including sheets and all other bedding) that is under the ownership of Voldemort Warner Brothers.

3 thoughts on “Gringotts Bank Business Opportunity – Harry Potter Spoof Email

  1. web games says:

    Hey, great blog!. How do I subscribe to ensure I get notifed when you make new posts? Thanks

  2. Great books and great movies, makes me want to be a wizard!

  3. dumbledore says:

    I have been working with my pensieve and have come to the conclusion that this is almost certainly a scam. I suspect Percy Weasley is behind it all, nasty little sneak that he is…. should never have been made prefect – not my idea, it was Snape and that dreadful Trelawny woman.

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